i was born a porn star she said
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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