Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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