i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
