The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize