I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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