Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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