Your face is a jimmy john
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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