....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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