Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
