East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cannot find my penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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