nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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