I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
