not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
