i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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