Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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