I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
