Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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