I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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