So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
