nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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