Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I currently don't understand fingers.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
