I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize