Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
