very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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