I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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