I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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