Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
