How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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