do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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