Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
