i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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