Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize