Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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