I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
