you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
