does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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