they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
