nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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