look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
