it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
