if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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