Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
