Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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