I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
