Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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