Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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