before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
