I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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