I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
