There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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