just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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