my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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