Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
