sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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