Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
