Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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