He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
