she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
