ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
