Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
