Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
