The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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