I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
