You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
