Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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