I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
