I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
