Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to make out with him forever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
