I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found your dick twin last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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