my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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