Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
