I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
