I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes