I'm really into asian looking animals
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.