Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3825)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.

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  (404): He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic. http://tfl.nu/a5vi
  Replies (21) Good night (1012) Bad night (6712)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.

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  (616): every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2. http://tfl.nu/pgp8
  Replies (10) Good night (3934) Bad night (717)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

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  (843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car. http://tfl.nu/mri5
  Replies (11) Good night (1249) Bad night (3639)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.

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  (917): Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'. http://tfl.nu/jzlx
  Replies (12) Good night (913) Bad night (2657)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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  (509): There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/0uwm
  Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (2122)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.

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  (603): I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/zhxc
  Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (1404)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick

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  (610): Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick http://tfl.nu/2y12
  Replies (0) Good night (692) Bad night (1029)
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  (562): View more from California

  Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.

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  (562): Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real. http://tfl.nu/tp53
  Replies (8) Good night (1964) Bad night (1039)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.

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  (908): I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly. http://tfl.nu/i4iy
  Replies (3) Good night (604) Bad night (1207)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?

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  (702): Would I waste your time for mediocre porn? http://tfl.nu/88ga
  Replies (2) Good night (677) Bad night (311)
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  (949): View more from California

  YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

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  (949): YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER! http://tfl.nu/b6lu
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (526)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.

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  (269): I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic. http://tfl.nu/l4d9
  Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (848)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't remember, didn't happen

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED

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  (781): I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually (1-781): Don't remember, didn't happen (781): I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/of5j
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (265)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.

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  (506): You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get. http://tfl.nu/dc03
  Replies (1) Good night (390) Bad night (342)

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