im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
