Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(502): View more from Kentucky

I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

Fav 46 1120 8675
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

Fav 44 1152 10800
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(757): View more from Virginia

ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.

Fav 13 1285 4044
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

Fav 7 4160 1070
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(401): View more from Rhode Island

My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

Fav 8 3705 1191
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.

Fav 5 2408 1219
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(972): View more from Texas

I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

Fav 9 3233 1140
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.

Fav 4 592 842
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(910): View more from North Carolina

11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.

Fav 0 10 22
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT