shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.