she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
