i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
