so explain again why im purple
no
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
